Creating chemistry with anyone: Mary Jane Popp at KAHI radio
Creating Chemistry by Mary Jane Popp
Can you create chemistry with anyone? Leil Lowndes thinks you can. She is one of today’s most sought-after speakers on communication techniques and is author of the international bestsellers “Goodbye to Shy,” “How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You,” and “How to Talk with Anyone.”
So my curiosity got the best of me, and I had her on my radio show POPPOFF to talk about her seventy-five ways to spark it fast and make it last book “.” I honestly thought this was a stretch, because there are some people that…well you know…no way in Hades you can have a relationship. It just doesn’t come together. But Leil says never fear, she has plenty of ways to cope. I’ve got to admit, so many books promise ways to keep passion alive forever.
I wondered if that’s even possible? Leil gave some no-nonsense practical info in her book. She said that on the average, intense passion only lasts from eighteen months to two years because, no matter how exciting or beloved someone is, sex with the same person doesn’t produce the same hormonal and dopamine rush. Additionally, pregnancy causes very different chemicals. Tragically, many couples feel when the passion diminishes, it means loving is diminishing too. Absolutely not!
Often it means just the opposite because bonding chemicals—which mean long-term contentment—are in conflict with testosterone. So I asked Leil to give me her top ten ways to encourage lasting chemistry for couples:
1) Keep doing dopamine-producing fun and active things together. You’ll spend a lot more on divorce or marriage counseling than you will for babysitters and movie tickets now.
2) Touch a lot, especially the non-sexy kind. Accidental or intended, fleeting or abiding, touch stimulates the trust chemical and reinforces togetherness.
3) Encourage him to hold his newborn infant. This stimulates vasopressin, another bonding chemical in males, which has the effect of making him more protective of his family.
4) Laugh a lot together. When your body is laughing, you’re brain thinks you’re happy and, of course, you’re mate thinks you’re the reason for the joy.
5) Support each other’s goals and aspirations. Encourage your partner to talk about them.
6) Understand your partner’s very different way of thinking due to brain structure. (Example: He is not neuroanatomically capable to easily talk about his feelings even if he’d like to. She can’t stop making interconnections and assumptions about everything.
7) Men, become sensitive to her “micro-expressions.” Women respect his silent times. It’s easier when you realize the different ways your partner’s brain is wired.
8) Ladies, give him lots of quickies, even when you don’t feel like it. He’ll interpret it as loving him. If he gets turned down too often, he won’t start the slow lovemaking you like for fear of being rejected.
9) Gentlemen, think “slow seduction,” not “sex.” Remember turnabout is fair foreplay. Make time to give her lots of slow-ies.
10) Words work wonders. Keep saying what your partner craves hearing. Gentlemen, tell her you love her—once a day minimum. Women, find ways to let him know you actually need him (whether you actually do for certain things or not.)
I absolutely love how Leil describes the distinction between being in love and lasting love. For this, she quotes the English author, Louis de Bernieres.
“ Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like a volcano and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is:
Love is not breathless, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion…That is just the being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when “being in love” has burned away, and that is both an art and a fortunate accident.” This should be mandatory reading before a marriage license is granted. But I realize few will read and most will ignore the wisdom behind this statement. After forty-two years of marriage, I can truthfully say that these are true words of wisdom.
For more info on Leil Lowndes and her latest book “” go to www.peoplemagnit.com.
And my hope is that love remains in your life always!
– Cruise Specialists Will Assist You – PROMO Code
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